Sunday, 22 May 2011

Going around in circles

A lot of the people I chat to who have similar problems to mine comment that they feel like they are going around in circles, not getting anywhere, keep going back to square one.  As you will know from my previous blogs I have frequently felt the same cycle of despair.

It occurs to me this is because I am going around in circles.  Take a look at these diagrams:

OCD Cycle
 The Self Harm Cycle
 The Binge Eating Cycle


In all cases there is one way out of the circle and that is to identify a point at which you will break the cycle. The more ingrained the behaviour the harder it is to break but the important thing is that we realise we need to break it or else go around in circles.

I have mastered this to a degree with my OCD.  If i have an intrusive thought e.g. "if I make a drink for my husband I will put poison in it and kill him" instead of temporaily relisiving the anxiety with a avoidance - i.e. making him get his own drink, I will make sure I force myself to make the drink.

This is not easy, it makes me feel sick inside and the OCD tricks me into thinking I am poisoning him which hightens my anxiety even further.  but when he doesn't drop down dead it sends a clear message that the OCD was to blame.  The more I do this the free-er i become from the cycle of OCD.

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