It occurs to me this is because I am going around in circles. Take a look at these diagrams:
OCD Cycle
The Self Harm Cycle
The Binge Eating Cycle
I have mastered this to a degree with my OCD. If i have an intrusive thought e.g. "if I make a drink for my husband I will put poison in it and kill him" instead of temporaily relisiving the anxiety with a avoidance - i.e. making him get his own drink, I will make sure I force myself to make the drink.
This is not easy, it makes me feel sick inside and the OCD tricks me into thinking I am poisoning him which hightens my anxiety even further. but when he doesn't drop down dead it sends a clear message that the OCD was to blame. The more I do this the free-er i become from the cycle of OCD.
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