The wrong direction

My weight is going in the wrong direction still, not least to do with the amount of junk food I am consuming.  I've been to see my doctor now and dicussed what could be affecting my ability to loose weight.  He seemed to be a little sceptical about Cushings Syndrome but from reading other people's accounts of their battle to get a diagnosis I was not unduly surprised.  Of course he put me in for a whole load of tests and referrals so we'll see what comes of that.

He also asked me to keep a food diary which makes embarrassing reading but I've forced myself to be completely honest about the extent of my problem, including making myself sick, planning massive secret food binges to reward myself and eating at night.

One really useful resource he did point me to though is a site called getselfhelp.co.uk which has a section with loads of free therapy worksheets you can do yourself and also lots of other resources.  The food diary i'm using is on there and is a lot more detailed than my original one.

Obsessed much?

I've not really blogged much about my OCD recently as at the moment i'm struggling with my overeating more.  However it's always at the back of my mind trying to wriggle it's way back in again.

When I was 15 my OCD got so bad I was hospitalised.

I couldn't be on my own at all and yet i was still alone.  Even though i insisted my mum stayed with me 24/7 I was still in a permanent state of panic about my OCD thoughts.

I had got to the point where the repetitive ritual of checking no longer eased my anxiety.

I used to make my mum reassure me but it got to the point where even that wasn't enough.

I said i wanted to die, but in reality i was frightened of that too.  I was trapped and I begged for help.


Going into hospital was the biggest and most frightening decision i've ever made.  But i knew it was ruining my family's lives not to mention my own, and it had become make or break time.  If I got much worse I think i would have been sectioned anyway (been taken into hospital by force).  It was the best thing i ever did for me, for my family and for my sanity.

In fact, leaving that safe, understanding, helpful and fun place for the big wide uncaring world was perhaps the 2nd most scary thing I have ever done.

If you want help, that is the first step to recovery  

Excuse Busters

Following on from yesterday's post I've come up with some ways to bust those excuses right out of the water!  I couldn't sleep last night so instead of my usual counting the seconds in between each car that passes the house I decided to do something a little more constructive.

So, here are my top five:

1. Plan, plan, plan! Special trips, holidays, days out in the town on Saturday - don't leave the house without planning where and what you are going to eat.  If it's somewhere new try getting their menu off the web and choosing beforehand.  
2. Take your own - in situations where you don't know what temptation could befall you take your own food and snacks.  Especially important for road trips, cinema or shows and picnics.  Don't worry about being rude.. if your anything like me it's probably an excuse anyway!
3. All in good time - binging is often an impulse for me, and sometimes I've scoffed 2000 calories before i even think about it - check that craving by telling yourself that you can have a little of what you want, but make yourself wait at least a day to practise self control.
4. Fall like a feather - if you do fall and you find yourself in KFC or McDonald's order the kids meal or a "lite bite" rather than going large.  
5. Don't get smacked twice - remember when you're young and you get told off at school, you do your punishment only to get home and get a whallop from your mum aswell?  I find it's like that when I cheat on my plan, not only do i cheat once, I then feel down about it, cheat again and feel twice as bad.  If you do have a bad hour, don't turn it into a bad day necessarily. Let it go.